Robert Kaplan looks beyond a predicted surgical strike on Iran’s nuclear facilities, to the Iranian response from their unconventional but highly effective naval forces.
Some of the promoters of a strike against Iran’s nuclear facilities have sold the strike as a high-tech, airborne surgical attack. But a look at the naval environment indicates that like the Iraq invasion, what starts surgically could end very messily indeed.
Greg Beato suggests a new strategy against Iran’s ruling mullahs: saturation bombing of the country with millions of Barbie dolls.
Iran is terrified of Barbie, the tiny polyvinyl sex bomb who loves shopping, pizza, and brushing her hair, but has few satellite-guided missiles at her disposal. According to Iran’s Prosecutor General, Ghorban Ali Dori Najfabadi, a loosely organized coalition, led by the world’s most impeccably accessorized mercenary . . . is doing “irreparable damage” to Iranian children. “The irregular importation of such toys, which unfortunately arrive through unofficial sources and smuggling, is destructive culturally and a social danger,” Najafabadi cautioned. . . .
In the long run, of course, a Barbie revolution would be more devastating—and humiliating—to Iran’s theocracy than a nuclear strike.
Most people probably haven’t caught on to this, but careful analysis of several news stories reveals startling evidence of another Bush plot to take over the world.
First, it’s no secret that George Bush is looking for a way to go to war against Iran.
Second, it’s also no secret that George Bush doesn’t care that the planet is burning up through our use of those evil fossil fuels.
Third, though skeptics laugh, it’s also true that weather extremes such as below average temperatures and blizzards are the result of global warming.
Finally, Iran has just been hit with the worst snow storms in recent memory. Bitterly cold tempertures, up to 22 inches of snow, dozens of people killed, government offices shut down.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what’s going on here. Obviously, Bush and his Big Oil buddies have figured out a way to accelerate the extreme effects of global warming, and even isolate them against a specific target, namely, Iran. A few more attacks with this new secret weapon, and Iran will be begging for terms.
He may have thought he could get away with this, but we’re on to his sinister schemes. Just one more reason why Bush must be impeached.