Satirist John Fogle is performing a real public service in offering carbon credits at a discounted price.
In the spirit of being a good neighbor, I’ve decided to offer a needed service for all of the believers in human-caused global warming. That’s right, step right up, folks, I’m going to be selling carbon credits to those who want to assuage their guilt about heating up the planet with their SUVs. . . .
My gimmick is that I’m offering $100 carbon credits for only $89 each. If you buy carbon credits from Al Gore, you’ll have to pay the full retail price. But if you send your money directly to me, you’ll receive an official certificate for $100 in carbon credits for every $89 you send. But wait, there’s more. If you are among the first 500 purchasers, we’ll include a fantastic vegetable chopper, a $19.99 value, absolutely free.
Getting into the spirit of this, he is also offering another service for the weight challenged:
Expanding the same general principle, I’m also pleased to offer healthy food credits to folks who need to improve their diet. Just send me $5, and I’ll eat a stalk of celery for you. Of course, that’s with a big blob of Cheese Whiz spread all over it. Sorry, if you want me to eat the thing with no topping; it’ll cost you 10 bucks.
What will he do with the income generated from this public service enterprise? Why, he will buy a carbon-friendly sailboat, of course!
Preposterous, you say? Not any more than those who peddle real credits to gullible buyers.